this will make your day

Click this:  Pets Who Want To Kill Themselves

It may convince your pet that they don’t have it that bad…maybe.  Either that, or you can submit your own photos.  I think Wifey should, for the photos in this post, which MADE MY YEAR, and almost inspired me to learn to sew.  Almost.

famous friday: lazing around

Since my return from my, um, trip last week, La Famosa and I have not been doing much (unless you count her digging my underwear out of the dirty clothes while I’m at work and leaving them spread about the room).  It’s not been my favorite week ever, so we’ve been doing a lot of this:

and some of this:

(Sorry for the quality of that last shot.  I was covering up the flash with my hand, and then I dropped my camera and broke it before I could get a better shot off.  Guess I’m getting a new camera!)

shaking like a leaf again

I wonder why?  Let’s see…

Monday I mailed my engagement ring off to my ex-father-in-law (it was his mother’s)*.

Tuesday I signed the divorce decree.

Wednesday I found out officially (per my realtor there was a notice in the paper–so I don’t have to take X’s word for it) that my house is in foreclosure.

I hope nothing happens today.

*

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*

*Yes, the same ring that he told me to send him a few months ago.  NOW was the appropriate time.  And it was totally my decision to agree to do this now; the mediation agreement wasn’t contingent on it.  I don’t want the ring at all and am glad it is out of my house.  I actually laughed when the mediator came and asked me about it.  My attorney told me, “You don’t have to do it.”  I truly didn’t care at the time, and so I agreed.

show and tell: howloween edition

Check out what everyone else is showing and telling over at Mel’s.

This is all about how to keep your priorities straight. Ha!

I am the person who buys a Halloween costume for her dog, but doesn’t even have one for herself, yet, for that party she’s promised to attend this weekend.

I tried to justify it, by telling myself it was cheap!  Six dollars!  That’s it!

But really, it was the cute factor.  After trying it on her in the store, I would have paid much more than six bucks.

And to think, just a few years ago, I didn’t even want a dog.  And now just look at me.  Taking pictures of my doggy-ballerina.

that being hit by a bus feeling

So the mediation went better than I was expecting, but as I was driving away from that city where I spent the last three years of my marriage, I felt relief, yes, but also an intense aching in my bones and a deep, deep tiredness.

When I got to my friend, Cherry’s house, about three hours down the road, I told her that I felt like I had been hit by a bus.

Well, you have, she said.  You’ve been hit by the divorce bus.

Another thing I noticed as I was driving away from the mediation was that the feelings I was having were not just about the most recent past, about this whole mediation agony, but about my entire relationship with X.  It felt like the book was shutting on that.  Our relationship has certainly been in it’s end stage for a while now, but this truly feels like the beginning of the end.

I don’t know what it’s like to be in any other marriage.  I only know what it was like to be in mine.  And this ending, this divorce, as bad as the marriage was, as detrimental as my entire relationship with X was to my very person, this divorce feels like a ripping out of something that has grown deep within me.  Something that has grown deep within and set in roots.  And ripping it out now, like a common weed, well, it feels like a lot of me is getting ripped out, also.

As dysfunctional as we were, maybe because we were so dysfunctional, I put so much energy, so very much energy into us, into keeping us going, into making him happy, into saving us.  The me was forgotten.  And now the me is all that’s left.

done

The mediation is over.

We got through it much more quickly than I was dreading expecting.  Basically Mr. X offered me the exact same offer that I put on the table several months ago and he rejected (he still gets more than his fair share, but it’s over).  And we all signed a mediation agreement that Biff, the super-lawyer, says that a judge will enforce if X gets snakey.

And supposedly the house is in foreclosure.  Joy.

There are some more details I’ll share later when I have some energy.  I’m still pretty exhausted, and still not home.  I’m staying with a friend who lives in driving distance of the scene of the crime.  Flying out tomorrow.

Thank you all immeasurably for your good thoughts, prayers, etc.  I needed them.

famous friday: goin’ to grandma’s

(Please take part in my survey in the previous post–pretty please?)

Well, folks, I’m off to mediation in a state far, far away, and so, Her Famousness is off at her Nana and Papa’s (they wouldn’t hear of her staying at the kennel!), but even my housemate seemed disappointed when she heard that Miss Famous would be leaving for the weekend.  So never fear!  There are plenty of human-folk around to care for our favorite famed-one in my absence.

So on that note, I leave you with a few photos I shot the last time Miss Famous and I were at my mom and dad’s (at which time they totally ruined any no-pets-in-the-house-credibility they had left–which wasn’t much by this point–as they mushed and gushed over her–man, you’d think she was another grandchild, and not a furry four legged luv-bunny).

Hmmm...what's going on out here?

obligatory curtain shot

It sure is exhausting here at Nana's house...

So, having divorce mediation in the middle of ICLW may not be the best thing for my ICLW success rate, but I will get to a computer when I can.  I will definitely be working hard to catch up on the commenting when I get back.  See you on the flip-side…and let’s hope my dog isn’t TOO spoiled when I return.

(I scheduled this to post ahead of time, so at this writing, I have no idea how the mediation will be going.)

Happy October ICLW

So, I was thinking, why mess with a winning formula?  If you’ve been around for, say more than two months or so, you probably know what’s coming so you might want to skip down a bit.  Here’s the jist of me, at the moment anyway (there’s some more background above under the Great Escape tab, if you’re interested):

Girl with issues meets Boy.  Girl and Boy marry.  Girl always knows they have problems (but, really, who doesn’t?), but does not realize the depth of said problems.  Along comes the evil Infertility and Girl experiences great amount of pain.  Girl is no longer able to keep juggling all balls in the air to keep Boy happy.  Girl gets therapy and starts to get healthier.  As Girl gets healthier, relationship goes down the tubes and Boy gets more and more emotionally abusive.  In Spring of ‘09, Girl gets a clue and gets out of Dodge, with the fabulous Miss Famous in tow.  Boy goes even more demented than before and does many crazy things, presumably to hurt Girl. In September of ‘09, Girl gets job in a nearby city and is able to move out of parents’ house (hallelujah!).  The change is welcome, but Girl still has a long road of healing ahead.  The most current drama finds girl dealing with boy’s assholery surrounding the impending divorce mediation (argh). Girl has wonderful friends, both in the real and electronic worlds and is regretful only that she did not leave Boy sooner.

So, I have a question for you, all you ICLWers out there.  IF is no longer the driving force in my life, but it does have a great impact on the way I see the world (and on the way things have turned out for me).  Babymaking is not in the immediate plans for the future, nor is adopting, nor even looking into to any family building options.  My question has to do with Mel’s blogroll.  I have  a feeling that I am in the wrong category.  I am currently in General IF, but since I rarely talk about IF other than tangentially, that just doesn’t seem to be the right one.  I have a little poll below to get your opinion on what might be a better category for me, or if you think I should stay put.  So, what do you think?

ETA:  OK, so the poll may not be working…I think it’s a problem with the program–it was functioning yesterday.  Hmmm.  Anyways, the categories to choose between are: General IF, Non-IF but Written by IFers (in Misc), and No Longer Trying or On a Break (in Misc)

You can put your answer in the comments–not as much fun as the poll, but maybe it will start working soon.

on the couch

Not the kind of couch where you lie back and tell me all about your childhood and your mother and how does that make you feel?  That kind of couch actually sounds somewhat inviting, and is on the list for when things calm down a little (aka after mediation).  No, the couch of which I speak is just your run of the mill living room couch (or in this case, the couch in the study), where I have been sleeping the past couple of nights since my friend/landlady/world-traveler extraordinaire, “Nanette” is in town.*  Miss Famous has adjusted famously to having an extra person around to pet her, and seems to know that wherever her bed is, that’s where she’s supposed to sleep (i.e. on the floor next to me).

The Famous Bed

Other than sleeping on the couch in the study, some other things are a little bit up in the air.  I will give details soon, with a complete parsing of my every emotion along the way, I’m sure (your breathless anticipation is overwhelming, wow).

I see my acupuncturist today.  What I have to say about that is: “Yay.”  She’s a wonder worker.  Truly amazing, and I’m not sure how I would have gotten through these last couple of weeks without her.

*Part of the deal of my cheap rent is that Nanette gets to sleep in her own bed on the rare occasions that she blows through town.

how to be kind to yourself (and those around you, too)