on the cusp, a.k.a. cautiously optimistic

I have been somewhat AWOL from blogging this past week.  Totally not intentional, and I have thought about blogging a lot, does that count?  Yeah, didn’t think so.

So I had a job interview on Friday, and I’m trying really hard not to get my hopes up too much, but it seemed to go pretty well.  I am also trying to work out the logistical details, ahem, with my future housemate.*  I may move in this coming weekend, pending our meeting today over coffee following another job interview (I am much less hopeful about this one for technical reasons–it’s part-time, I probably won’t have my permanent license in hand by the time they require, etc.).  Still, doesn’t hurt to go and talk to them, make the connection, etc.  And a friend from grad school works at the agency, so maybe I’ll see her.

It really feels like the job from Friday is it, but we will see.  I have been known to be wrong before (see: Mr. X, entire history).  All in all things are moving forward, and I am holding myself back (for the moment) from jumping up and down and doing the happy dance.

But that day is coming.

*She wasn’t very quick to return my calls, but was very apologetic once she did.  Her sister has been staying there, so it may be three of us for a short time, until housemate’s sister’s apartment is ready.

still here

I got busy out of necessity, got un-busy for a weekend, had a few brief, but painful encounters with my feelings again, and decided that the busy stuff was actually pretty good.  So I’ve basically been immersing myself in the busy to avoid those pesky feelings, which, as we know don’t really go away for any real length of time, at least if you’re me they don’t.

I just got back from a weekend visiting my sister and her picture-perfect family, which was fun, but I’m really glad to be back.

I realized something during this weekend.  I am the kind of person who has always had my shit together.  Always.  It is very strange for me to be this person right now, who does not have her shit together, this person who gets panicky at the thought of a “real” job in her chosen field, at the thought of having to move out and be responsible and get her shit together.  So good thing I don’t have to quite yet, I guess.  I know (now) that a lot of my feelings are coming out of that place, of feeling unfamiliar with being that person, and not who I have always been.  If I were talking to someone else, I would tell them not to rush themselves, and to take the time that they need, and to do what they need to do to heal, and not to be so worried about the next step.  To be ok with not being ok.

With that in mind, I am going to try to get back on the blogging horse (not that I was off of it for all that long).  Not because I owe it to anybody, but because of what it does for me.  So here’s to my feelings and me being back real soon.

a non-post

So I  just wanted to let anyone who is out there wondering about me know that all is well, but the latest house project with my mom (painting her bedroom) is taking up all my time.  There are also a few other familial obligations, such as taking the niece mother’s day shopping, which was fun, in a way that leaves you glad to not have to do it again for a really, really long time.

There is a post in the queue for the next Show and Tell, so unless you’re inundated with Miss Famous photos…I’ll see you soon.