I think that I put off starting this blog for so long because I had the idea that I had to categorize it, and my life didn’t seem to fit completely into one category or another. To explain: I read a lot of blogs. I read body-acceptance blogs, infertility blogs, jewish blogs, etc., etc. The thought would come to me many times over the last few months “I’d love to be able to blog about this,” and then I would over-think it. I’d think, well if I have an infertility blog, I’ll want to talk too much about body acceptance. If I have a body acceptance blog I’ll talk too much about infertility, etc. But then I realized…
Fuck it. My life doesn’t fit into neat categories. I think I have something to say (probably nobody else will read it anyway), so fuck it. I’m starting a blog.
Some background about who I am.
I grew up in a conservative Christian home and was into it (Christianity) 100% for many years. In my twenties a number of changes occurred in my life (that could be a whole other blog), and I realized that I no longer fit into that world, and that I was no longer a Christian. For a short while I was “between religions” but very much missing having a spiritual/religious community (but knowing that I would not fit into the Christian world). Long story short, I was introduced to Judaism (around the same time I was introduced to my now-husband), I fell in love (with both), and I converted. There was a lot of hurt to go around in my family due to this process and their reactions to it, but things are getting better.
A year and a half ago, Mr. X and I (finally) started trying to conceive. The fertility battle began. Long and painful story short, our most likely hope for pregnancy is through IVF. We are currently in a “break” in the fertility battle, due to life and financial circumstances, but we hope to get back in the game once some of these circumstances get settled. We will be moving in 6 months or so, but don’t know where, yet. All is dependent on Mr. X’s job, who is in a more specialized field than I am. We are also hoping to sell our house, which may go on the market in a month or so. So this is a big area of stress, as I’m sure you can imagine.
During early months of the fertility drama, some issues that I have had with food (since I can remember), came up again, but much stronger than ever before. I am an emotional/compulsive eater. I did therapy for a few months and am working on developing a healthy relationship with food and my body.
That’s the gist of it.