on the one hand… but on the other hand

Mr. X has been away this week interviewing for a job.  He is currently in the city where he grew up, the city where all his family and many of his friends from high school and college live (but not friends from grad school–the ones I consider also MY friends).  Apparently the job interview went really well and it’s looking like we may be moving there.  I have a few thoughts, and more than a few feelings about this, as you can imagine.

  • On the one hand, his family is there…but on the other hand, his family is there.  ‘Nuff said, I think.
  • On the one hand, we know several people there.  Like I said above, a lot of Mr. X’s friends live there.  A few of his close friends from high school (with whom he is still close–weird, huh?) have meandered back there.  And I really happen to like them.  On the other hand, they have ALL,  count them, ALL had baby or babies.  In fact, I think I will henceforth refer to this city as Breederville, just to make it easier.  The last time I was there was a little more than a year ago and I had a minor breakdown with all the baby-love going on.  So to recap:  on the one hand we’ll have friends to hang out with, but on the other hand, they come with living breathing reminders that I’m barren, and it will be hard to escape being around them.
  • On that note, there ARE ready-made friends in Breederville, but, on the other hand they’re HIS friends.  There have been a number of times when I have felt very left out of the whole “let’s reminisce the old days” motif, which comes up a lot more than you would think.
  • On the one hand, this is one of the last places I would choose to live, regardless of the above factors, but, on the other hand, it will be really, really nice to have SOMETHING in our lives not be up in the air (i.e. the house, my job, his job, where we’ll live, IF, etc., etc.).

Sorry I’m so vague about specifics a lot of the time.  Mr. X has the kind of job where he has a public role in our community (and I do as well, by default, as his “lovely wife”).  This is one thing that we are hoping changes with the change in his job.  I am just really paranoid about being “found,” and I already feel like I have no privacy much of the time.  I’m sure at some point I’ll start being less paranoid, especially if we move to Breederville, which is a Big City, as opposed to our current place of residence, which is Definitely Not.


5 responses to “on the one hand… but on the other hand

  1. Wow, that’s a big upheaval to consider. It is really so hard when your social circle starts to be babified. It sounds like you’re doing a good job of seeing the bright spots, but even so it would be quite difficult. I sure know what you mean about having something decided, though. The longer my IF goes on, the less able I am to tolerate the ambiguous parts of my life!

  2. Here’s my two cents. Sounds like your experience of Breederville is centered around his experience there. Do some research on what it’d be like to live there if all of the breeders magically disappeared. Are there cool shops you’d like to visit – a neighbourhood they don’t live in but that you’d like to explore? Is there a class, group or club you can see yourself belonging to? Maybe the only thing wrong with breedersville
    is that it’s never had the chance to be awakeintheworldsville.
    I hope you find something that excites you there so you find yourself more hyped to move than you’d once expected.

  3. As I live far from my family, yet surrounded by Mo’s friends from his high school days, I totally get the “do you remember when” nausea. It DOES get old. Perhaps Breederville has something in the water?

    You’ve got an award on my blog. 🙂

  4. It doesn’t sound like Breederville will be a good place for *you* – I hope there are things there that will make it bearable, if you do have to go. I wish I knew the city!! (Mysteries drive me a little crazy!)

    What job will you have if you move there? Maybe that would be a good outlet to meet people other than your hubby’s built in community?

  5. I totally hear you on the trip down memory lane convos. I live very close to my DH’s hometown and we are with our, but really his, friends often. I usually just drink another beer when they start their “remember when” shit. It’s a lot less painful when I have a good buzz. 🙂 And good old DH is trying so hard to get me to move into his hometown. His parents still live there too and it’s farther from my family. I’m not giving in! Not on this one.

    I also agree with onepinkline about looking into the town for things that would be “yours alone.” Good luck with all of this. Keep me posted.

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