Another option

Or I could forgive him.

I will not say “just” forgive, because there is no simplicity in the action.

I see no other way out, but that is not why I would forgive.

I would forgive because not forgiving has become too much of a weight on my soul.

But I would not have been able to consider the thought with any truth last week, or even yesterday.

But today, today it seems possible.

And today is the first day in too many days that I can feel some hope.

If he were less wounded, perhaps I could wait for his apologies.  If he were less defended, perhaps I would try talking again.  But I have been here too many times before.  I know how this one goes.  I am nowhere near ready to give up on this relationship.

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5 responses to “Another option

  1. 😦 I don’t know what to say other than I hate that you are at this place. It sucks and I’m really sorry.

    IF really amplifies underlying marital issues. My husband and I struggle a lot too. I think marriage is one of the hardest frontiers to face. I often wonder if IF changes us so much that we no longer need the things we did before and we now need different things… A year and half ago, I almost left my DH with the thoughts of another man in mind. He was 50 and my mentor at work. I was crazy about him. He was there for me in a way that my DH wasn’t. He listened to me, intently. He was like a drug.

    DH and I have since moved on from that place, but there aren’t many days that go by where I don’t wonder what my life may have been like…

    I’m thinking of you.

  2. I have been where you are so many times. In fact, I am still there. Just today I made the same decision you did. I seem to make this decision over and over again. . .and yet, it’s the only decision I truly feel I can live with.

    I read an interesting article yesterday. Focus on the Family (a biased source, perhaps) did a survey on marriage. Couples rated their happiness on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the best. They then followed these couples for five years and repeated the survey. Interestingly, couples who stayed together rated their happiness much higher five years later than those who divorced. Some of it was situational (like IF, hopefully you will not be battling it still in five years) things that had improved, but some of it was simple attitude adjustments on the part of one spouse (deciding to get a hobby, to not let certain things bug you, etc).

    I am rereading my comment and it seems simplistic — the article was much more detailed and (I thought) interesting than I am able to put into words. I’ll look for the link for you.

    Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I feel the same way you do about a lot of the crap that is coming our way these days. I am here to listen, to talk, whatever.

    And if anything I say offends or is unhelpful, please let me know. My only intent is to be a friend, but that’s hard to do when it’s online and you can’t “read” a person as well as IRL.

    (hugs)
    Jo

  3. Ok, I found it!

    http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/relationship_challenges/~/media/files/pdf/channels/marriage/ShouldIGetADivorce.ashx

    It’s a PDF file, but doesn’t take long to read. The study is first mentioned on page 4, and pages 15-17 discuss the part about why couples who stay together are happier five years later than those who divorce.

    Anyway, let this go in one ear and out the other if you feel I’m being too pushy. Just trying to share something that I found helpful.

    (((Hugs)))
    Jo

  4. Just wanted to say hello and I’m thinking about you and sending you hugs. I’m sorry thinks are so tough right now.

  5. Forgiveness is not easy, but is a truly beautiful thing. Particularly when it is not deserved. Only you know what is right for your heart, but considering how carrying the hurt and anger is impacting you is significant, and definitely worth weighing in the balance. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and I am thinking of you.

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