(Dear ICLWers: There is some info in the “About me” tab–probably the most relevant information is at the bottom of that page: I very recently had the realization that I am in a relationship based on verbal/emotional abuse. My posting lately has pretty much just been about that and how I’m dealing with this realization. I hope to post soon about how all of this relates to IF.)
Yesterday I had a long, long talk with my oldest, perhaps dearest friend, J. We have been friends since childhood. I hope to always know her and be known by her. As I figure out this new reality that I am living, as I am learning to tell my true story and not the fantasy that I had to work so hard for so long to try to believe–that I was in a happy marriage, that my husband loved and accepted me exactly as I was–I felt awash with relief as J gave me nothing but love, nothing but acceptance. I felt some of this weight lift as she simply believed me.
When I had talked to my mom the other day and opened the door to her, I was trying to “protect” her a little and so I purposely didn’t use the word “abuse” to describe my situation (why I would do this is a long, long story for another day and a lot of therapy). I wanted to do that now, and I also wanted to explain how I thought I could have gotten into such a situation. For some reason, I have it in my head that everyone will be on mr. x’s side in this, but as soon as I said, “Mom, I’m pretty sure we can call this emotional abuse,” she said, as sure as anything, “Oh, I am too!” Like I said yesterday, it’s always good to hear that you’re not crazy. And it’s always good to hear that you have people on your side. Not just good, but necessary.
Two nights ago I had an opportunity to set a boundary. All I did was say, “I don’t want you to talk to me like that.” It felt really, really good. Giddy good. Mr. x’s reaction, thus far, has been to get angry at me when I set boundaries, which I find interesting. Today I feel much more confident, much more able to say those words again and again and again.
I don’t know where this will end up. At this moment, I feel like I am getting prepared for almost anything.