love and thanksgiving

(Dear ICLWers:   There is some info in the “About me” tab–probably the most relevant information is at the bottom of that page:  I very recently had the realization that I am in a relationship based on verbal/emotional abuse.   My posting lately has pretty much just been about that and how I’m dealing with this realization.  I hope to post soon about how all of this relates to IF.)

Thank you, thank you for all the wonderful and supportive comments.  I have been working out a lot of things in my mind the last few days.  Things are starting to come together and make more sense to me.  More on that when I can be a little more coherent.  ICLW might just be a wash for me this time–I’ll give it a shot again when my life isn’t so upside down-inside out.

I am feeling much more loved lately.  (Not from you-know-who.)  As I am reconnecting with friends in my physical world (as opposed to the internet one) I have been showered by their love, inundated by their love, and strengthened by their love.  I think it has been a long, long while since I have felt loved at all.

I have been looking back over my old journals and am amazed by the depth of my distress.  How did I not realize what a deep problem this was?  Why was it so easy to blame myself?

I was planning to write only a couple of lines today.  In all of my trying to survive the last few months my job has definitely been getting the scraps.  Don’t know if that will change anytime soon.  As long as I’m not the one getting the scraps, I guess it’s ok.

9 responses to “love and thanksgiving

  1. While I am so sorry that your marriage is in such a dark place, I am so, so glad you are finding the support you need in your RL friends and family.

    All of us need to be loved, to be accepted. No one deserves to be abused, in any way.

    Here’s hoping the next move is toward a brighter, happier future.


  2. Don’t worry about getting those ICLW comments out; it’s OK to receive support. Be gentle with yourself. Just thinking about you and happy to send as many messages as you need!


  3. i agree with the above comment, the last thing you need to be worried about is your iclw comments, it’s your time to take the support, not give it. just remember that you have as much of a right to be happy and loved as anybody else does in this world, and anyone who doesn’t see that is not worth your time. good luck to you.

  4. Well, I’m all about happy endings, so I hope your marriage works out and you begin to feel better. On the other hand, you have to love you, no matter what, and if you can’t with him in your life, time for a bonfire in the front yard, preferably with all his stuff and some lawn mower fuel.

  5. So glad you are feeling the love from IRL people. Even though we’re here for you, it’s important to have real life loved ones support you too.

  6. Hiya. I became immediately drawn into your blog by reading your ICLW preempt post. I dont know what’s going on…but I think that if there is a problem, recognizing it and admitting it is half way to solving it. =) ICLW

  7. Although I’m sorry that your marriage is in such a tumultuous situation, I’m glad to hear your friends are comming to your aid emotionally.

    I really hope things turn positive for you soon.

  8. If you see this, please know I am thinking about you. I wish there was something, anything, I could do for you. Let us know what’s happening, okay?


  9. It’s good to hear that you are reconnecting to real-life friends. You need a good support system right now.

    Journals are fantastic for so many reasons. On the one hand, it is cathartic to get thoughts paper, but later on they provide a lot of clarity later. I am glad you have kept yours, and I hope that they help you deal with this huge transitional period in your life.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers, Awake. I am rooting for you! And yes that sounds cheezy, but I don’t know what else to say.

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