I still have a lot to say about Pesach, and at the rate I’m going (or not going), I’ll probably need to still be saying it well past Pesach, even through Hanukkah if need be.
I have been re-connecting with friends, and that has been very, very good, but very, very intense. I had two very long conversations yesterday with two people with whom I hadn’t spoken in years, and it was wonderful, and it was exhausting. Today I’m shaking more than I have in days.
I wanted to reconnect with the bloggy world, not in small part because you all have given me so much, but at this moment I don’t have much to give back. I was wracking my brain with how to reconcile my desire to just. write. something. and this feeling of just wanting to crawl under the covers when I remembered that I had written something about what I am feeling right now in the now-defunct blog, and so I went a-looking. I found it, and I thought that I would just repost it, here. After all, it’s mine. In fact, I may repost some things now and again (like, um, tomorrow) when I’m feeling like I feel today. (Funny, for someone who doesn’t seem to have it in her to be able to post, I sure am being awfully wordy, huh?) So, below, is, back by nobody’s demand but my own, the post originally called “on avoiding my feelings,” (or something like that) in it’s entirety (it was a short one):
Through my journey of both IF and struggling with my compulsive eating, I have found that I have a million ways of pushing my feelings aside to the point that sometimes I’m not even aware that they’re there. I’m only aware of the food, or that I feel fat, or, or, or…
Last night I had one of those experiences. I had been feeling out of sorts all day, and pushing myself all day, and thinking of food all day, and eating all day. When I finally got alone with my thoughts, it just all poured out.
This reminded me of something I just read (actually re-read) recently:
“There are some feelings about which there is nothing to do. Some bad feelings simply need to be felt. Only after you begin to feel them will you be able to find enough inner comfort to address them.”*
May we all find the inner comfort today to attend to these feelings that must be felt.
From this book, of course.