still here

I got busy out of necessity, got un-busy for a weekend, had a few brief, but painful encounters with my feelings again, and decided that the busy stuff was actually pretty good.  So I’ve basically been immersing myself in the busy to avoid those pesky feelings, which, as we know don’t really go away for any real length of time, at least if you’re me they don’t.

I just got back from a weekend visiting my sister and her picture-perfect family, which was fun, but I’m really glad to be back.

I realized something during this weekend.  I am the kind of person who has always had my shit together.  Always.  It is very strange for me to be this person right now, who does not have her shit together, this person who gets panicky at the thought of a “real” job in her chosen field, at the thought of having to move out and be responsible and get her shit together.  So good thing I don’t have to quite yet, I guess.  I know (now) that a lot of my feelings are coming out of that place, of feeling unfamiliar with being that person, and not who I have always been.  If I were talking to someone else, I would tell them not to rush themselves, and to take the time that they need, and to do what they need to do to heal, and not to be so worried about the next step.  To be ok with not being ok.

With that in mind, I am going to try to get back on the blogging horse (not that I was off of it for all that long).  Not because I owe it to anybody, but because of what it does for me.  So here’s to my feelings and me being back real soon.


4 responses to “still here

  1. Yes, take all the time you need. You need to be ok with being you, whatever that is. I have an idea that your family love you whether you’re ok (with your shit together) or not!

  2. I know sometimes its hard to listen to your own advice .. but you really are hitting the nail on the head with what you would tell someone else to do.

    Glad to see you back on the blogging horse.. I think your doing just great .. one step at a time 🙂

    Take care


  3. Hey, just checking in on you – as usual, you have already figured this out! 🙂 Seriously though, I agree 100% with what you said – it is okay to not be okay. You’ll get your sh*t together when you are ready. In the meantime, try to enjoy the role.

  4. Busy works. I’m glad it’s helping until you’re in a better place to figure things out more.

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