the Great Escape: part 5, the end of the end

The saga continues.  Who knew it would take so long?  Look elsewhere for part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4.

When we last left off in this soap opera, I had just discovered that Mr. X had canceled/blocked my attempt to move half of our savings, which legally belonged to me, and my attorney advised me to move.  I made this discovery just before I was to go pick up X and drive him to the airport, which was to be our last time alone together, according to my plans.  I went ahead with the plan to pick him up and give him a ride (despite knowing he was onto me), partly out of shock, partly out of denial that anything could go really wrong.  I probably wouldn’t do the same today.  I also wasn’t 100% sure that he was reason the transaction was canceled–again, denial runs strong.

I arrived at the house, expecting X to be ready, with his bags at the door, as he would have been for any other trip.  I parked in front of the house and left my things inside, including my purse, the doors unlocked (we had a very safe neighborhood, and I expected to be back  in the car in a couple of minutes).  When I walked in the door, X was very unlike himself, hyper and not ready to leave at all.  The whole mood that day was very eerie.  We both knew I had tried to move the money, and we both knew he had stopped it, but neither of us acknowledged it.  We kept playing our “normal” roles as husband and wife.  I helped him get a couple of things together, we made small talk.  At the same time, he knew, he knew.  He had read the old blog already (I later got confirmation of this, but at the time I had no idea), and he played mind games with me the whole time.  I had moved my passport out already; he decided to take his passport for his in-country trip (why?), which is kept in the same place–so, I told him I would retrieve it for him.  He told me he was having a problem logging onto our bank account and stood over me as I “tried” to log on, also.  Then…

He told me he left some things in his car, which was parked at the side of the house where I would normally park.  The next thing I knew, he was walking to my car at the front of the house, going inside it…I was freaking out, because there were papers from the attorney there…but he was in and out so quickly he didn’t have time to get to any of those…he made up some flimsy excuse–he was looking for his ritual items for prayer (tallit and tefillin)–why would they be in my car?  As the attorney’s papers seemed safe I forgot about this and just tried to hurry him along to JUST LEAVE.

Somehow I got through the ride to the airport.  As I was pulling away, all I could think was–I never have to be alone with him again, I never have to be alone with him again.  On my way back to work I stopped by a pharmacy to pick up a prescription, and as I went to pay, I discovered that my debit card was gone.

Suddenly, all the business with his searching for his “tallit and tefillin” made sense.  If I had parked at the side, as usual, he could have gone into my car without my seeing him at all.  His being in and out of my car so quickly–too quickly to mess with any paperwork, but just enough time to grab my debit card.

He stole my fucking debit card out of my purse.

Later, when I talked to Cherry and I told her about how weird and hyper he was that day, she said, well, sure, he was about to commit a crime.  A crime I could never prove, but he did it.  As my attorney said, the card was in my purse before he went to the car, he went to the car, the card was no longer in my purse.

Of course, I reported that card as stolen to the bank.  I had a new card by that Saturday (thank you Fe.dEx!) and used my new card, until Mr. X had my new card cancelled on Sunday.  Yes.  Yes, he did.

By that time, I was staying at DD’s.  I stayed at our house on Thursday after X left, but the aura or the energy or something in that house just wasn’t right and I couldn’t stay there anymore.  I slept better on her pet-hair filled couch than I did on my own king-size bed.  Oh, and all of my angst about X’s well being and his being suicidal (or practically so) after I left?  Well, after he stole the debit card I knew that he would be fine, just fine.  And that was when I decided that Miss Famous was coming with me.

So, the rest of the savings disappeared (no, not just “his” half of it) and I was actually locked out of it with some kind of password (“Oh, you should speak to your husband, ma’am.”).  You can believe I won’t be dealing with that bank anymore.  I took some of the checking, but left enough to cover the outstanding checks, but good old X emptied out the rest.  His last ATM withdrawal was for $60.  He emptied it down to the last little bit.  Bounced checks galore, bank fees galore.  Weird things also started happening, too, like our realtor calling me and telling me he talked to X, who told him we had split up (before I had even left).  My gut told me he found the blog; later my gut was confirmed by a friend whom he told that he found it.  I just wasn’t careful enough.  I thought he wasn’t watching.  He may have been watching everything for a really long time.

I hadn’t really been eating or sleeping, but staying with DD (which stands for the Dynamic Duo, which she and Mr. DD definitely are) took care of the eating, and the sleeping somewhat.  Mr. DD just cooked stuff and put it in front of me and I would eat.  DD packed my stuff for me (I was pretty distracted) and labeled all the boxes and Mr. DD taught me how to erase the history on my computer–a valuable life lesson.  Mr. DD packed my stuff in his truck and got it out of the house to keep at DD’s parents’ house, so it would be safe, “just in case” (lots of paranoia going around in those days).  DD made me lists and kept me sane (or what passed for sane in those days).  I told DD that they saved me, they saved my life the same as if they had pulled me out of a burning building, and I would never, ever forget it.  And I won’t.

My mom drove two days to get from where she was to where I was.  The original plan was to spend the night at DD’s parents’ house (no pet hair everywhere) and start fresh in the morning.  She arrived on Monday, March 30 around three in the afternoon.  We decided to forgo the restful night at DD’s folks’ house.  My mom, Miss Famous, and I left town that very night, and I haven’t looked back.

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14 responses to “the Great Escape: part 5, the end of the end

  1. WOW! How scary and nerve racking. YAY for not looking back! You are on the road to healing and you will never have to deal with that again. EVER!
    You did a great job staying calm and moving forward. I truly hope you’re feeling peaceful and on your way to being whole again.
    *HUGS*

  2. Good for you. How frightening all of this must have been for you. I’m glad you and miss doggy made it out ok and that you are in a safe place.

  3. Mr. X was and is a total bastard and you deserve so much better. I am so glad you got out and are putting yourself back together.

  4. You are very brave. I’m glad you and Miss Famous got out of there.

    Reading your escape posts remind me of when I split with my fiancee. We had bought a house together and I was on the verge of secretly moving out. He was not really physical but would stand in door ways to prevent me from leaving. I talked to my attorney about the house and he contacted a realtor who left me a message on my HOME Answering Machine which my ex got. He was not happy. It was awkward. I ended up leaving about a week later while he was at work. I had packed nothing and a bunch of friends came over, packed me up that day, loaded the moving truck and I put everything in storage and stayed with a friend. I was scared of my ex (he was a cop and very controlling) and did not let him know where I was. Thankfully it all worked out and I came out of it a stronger person. You will too. Sounds like you already have. You have such brighter days ahead of you! I just know it.

  5. Once again, wow. That is very, very scary, and I’m so sorry he drained the accounts. Thank God you got away.

  6. Wow – reading all of this makes me realize how much strength and courage it took to do what you did. As a reader of your old blog and now the new blog, I had a sense of what you were facing but the details really bring home the hurt, anger, betrayal, and fear you must have felt. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s an important one.

  7. Wow, that was frightening! Glad you and Miss Famous managed to escape (and good thing you took her!).

  8. I hope you are going to fight him for your half of whatever he took. That is simply ridiculous! Just proof that you really cannot control another person — if someone is ready to leave, nothing (even taking all their financial resources) is not going to stop them.

    Good for you for getting out of a dangerous, unhealthy relationship. Hoping the future brings peace and fulfillment.

    Hugs,
    Jo

  9. Oh, and I meant to add, this makes me glad that Mo and I have always kept our money separate (different banks, even!) It doesn’t work for all couples, but I appreciate the autonomy and knowing that my money is there no matter what.

    Hugs,
    Jo

  10. You are so brave and better off.Am in an abusive relationship too.Not a physical one,a verbal one.He is very dominant.You are very brave.I can never do what you did.

  11. rosesdaughter

    Jeez! I finally finished reading the entire saga and I am so proud of you! I am so glad you got out

  12. I just sat and read through all parts of your backstory and WOW. I know that you are still processing everything, but I am simply amazed and glad that you had the balls to get out. I know that you’re already out, but I felt relieved to read about you, your mom, and Miss Famous driving away.

  13. I’ve just now caught up with what happened to you. Holy cow! It must have seemed like a nightmare for you. Thank god you are safe.

  14. Pingback: slacker (days 11, 12, 13) | Dreaming of Quiet Places

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