home alone

I am working on a post that is a reply to a question by DragonflyMama, but I’m just. not. pleased. with. it. yet.

So I will not be posting it until it says what is true.

The parents have left town, taking the niece with them.  They are making their yearly trip to take her to see her under-involved father.  The good news is, I have the house to myself, and it feels like I’m freeeeeeeeeeeee!

I have realized, since they’ve been gone, that I get stuck in a rut with my family around, and I have a hard time doing what I want to do to get on the track I want to be on (i.e. job hunt, studying for my test, moving OUT).  Like quicksand it is, living there, sometimes.

So, their little trip comes at a good time.  This weekend, I’m probably going to visit some friends I haven’t seen in a few years, so that will be fun, too, and then I’ll still have a couple of days of the lovely alone when I get back.

In the meantime, I have been plowing through my own stuff, doing some hard emotional labor, and making some interesting realizations about my own (and my family’s) dysfunction.  I’ll talk about that when it’s more coherent.

X is still nucking-futs.  Looks like he’s willing to go down with the ship as long as he thinks it will hurt me.  I guess.  Who knows, really?  People have asked me why he’s doing certain things.  The good news is I don’t have to answer for him anymore.  As if I ever did, really.

7 responses to “home alone

  1. You know what…you are amazing and have come so far when it comes to dealing with Mr. X.

  2. Good you have this time alone for yourself! And have a nice time visiting your friends :-).

  3. Enjoy your time being alone. Good luck on the things you want to accomplish.

  4. Enjoy your time with your friends, but most importantly enjoy your time with YOURSELF! It’ll be so nice to be able to breath without wondering what everyone else is doing. Not that you’re not grateful for them, but it’s hard living with family.

    Enjoy it, sweetie!

  5. Well enjoy the time you have by yourself – I know how easy it is to fall into a pattern when family is around. Break free girl!!!

  6. It is very nice that you have the house to yourself. This solitude will offer you the physical and emotional space to explore. I had read this unforgettable poem by Gibran, that I did not understand very well, when I did read it, but almost six years into my marriage, I know what it says.

    Also, you need to be able to regain your strength. I think there are certain hard decisions lined up for you. They might not be as hard as leaving Mr. X to his scams, but they may still cost you heavy, emotionally, when you take them and implement them.

    Enjoy your time with your friends. Enjoy being with yourself.

  7. Glad you are getting some you time! I’m sorry to hear Mr. X is being, well, Mr. X- but it’s awfully nice to see you so clearly separate yourself from all the nucking-futsness. Hope you enjoyed the weekend, and seeing friends!

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