noticeable changes

I returned home a few hours ago from a weekend away with friends in a nearby city.  Something I noticed about myself throughout the weekend was a marked difference in anxiety levels in response to other people’s anxiety or anger or general malaise.  I am feeling less need to run around fixing everybody, less need to make it all better.  The underlying reason always was, of course, so that I would feel safe, and less so that they would feel eased, though I don’t know that I was ever really aware of any of it, just that I could. not. stand. to “cause” people distress. (“Cause” is not really the true word here, as some will feel distress even if we turn ourselves inside out for them, case in point, Mr. X.)  I am feeling a tranquility that goes bone deep–not always–but often in the face of situations that previously would have had me on the floor in a puddle of exposed nerve endings.

It seems all of this emotional labor is really doing something here.

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6 responses to “noticeable changes

  1. P.S. email me the name of the previous blog. Did I know you pre-this blog? Just curious.

  2. That’s fantastic. It’s such a big change and some people may react badly to you “not turning yourself inside out.” Over all though it is such a great feeling that you are spending more effort taking care of yourself than others.

  3. Congratulations. One of the best ways to keep cool is to stay out of other people’s poop. Yucky way of saying it, but one needs to be able to identify the chronic sufferers, and the ones who are emotional leeches.

    I like your heightened self-awareness and I like the fact there is progress.

    Good for you.

    When you read the poem, do tell me what are your impressions of it.

  4. Good for you. That is a huge step forward for you.

  5. Good for you, for developing and working those boundaries.

    That’s hard work, isn’t it!

  6. Another good for you :-). Really great to hear!

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