a new chapter

And so I was thinking about this whole new blog thing, and it almost seems fitting, as I am starting a new chapter in my life.  In the past year, I started blogging, and am now on my third blog  (not quite my first choice as a writing style).

What I was thinking today was that each seems to mark a chapter.  The first blog, my foray into the ALI* world of words started last December.  I elected at the start of blogging not to tell Mr. X (yes, new blog, new name for the nemesis) that I had done so, though it was always my intention to tell him eventually.  Long, long story short: the marriage fell apart due to his emotional abuse, he found my not-so-hidden blog on our shared computer, found some of my plans for escape, and escalated his assholery.  That first blog was all about my infertility and marriage angst, and I fell in love with the back-and-forth between blogger and commenters.  I loved the ALI community, and I found blogging to be cathartic and affirming in a way very different than journaling.  During the time of my first blog, I very clearly “fit” in the ALI world: I was married and on a path (convoluted though it was) toward trying to have a baby.  Much of my blogging had to do with my pain about infertility.

Blog, the second, was started just after arriving at my parents’ house after leaving Mr. X.  I was literally shaking, and had very little anchoring me.  My blogging community was a lifesaver in those days.  I poured it all out, and received support and encouragement daily.  So many days, it seemed that the only thing I really had going for me was reading blogs and trying to fashion together some kind of post of my own.  I loved so much seeing the archives grow, seeing the categories grow, seeing the number of comments grow (I was almost to 1,000 total comments when I had to shut down.  I had some plan to do something for the 1000th commenter…I know I’m corny.)  So my “privacy issues” were basically my fault.  I made a mistake with something, and it turned out that when I did a google search of my name a couple of days ago, I found my blog.  I went around and around in my head about what to do, and starting over seemed to be the cleanest way, and the way I could be the most sure that I wasn’t found by Mr. X or anyone else IRL who happened to google me.  Also, I really didn’t want to go password protected, for a number of reasons, some of which are logical, some of which aren’t.  It partly makes me sad to shut down blog #2, but in a way, it feels good to shut the door on that chapter and open the door on this one.

If you were following my story on blog #2, you know that I recently got a job and moved out of my parents’ house to a nearby city with the dog.  This feels like a new beginning on many levels, though I still carry the rubbish of the last few months with me.  The divorce is not resolved.  The house is not sold and is on the route to foreclosure (I’m mostly resigned to that–I just want it to be over with…mostly.).  I still get kicked in the face (emotionally speaking) with some frequency with the issues of the past…well, I suppose they’re the issues of the present.  I have decided to find a therapist.

So this is take three.  Hopefully, I’m here to stay.  I’d like to not have to email Mel again with another sad story about changing my blog.  Again.  At least in this calendar year, anyway.

And if you have any thoughts about the dog’s name, and if I should re-pseudonym her, please let me know.  I could refer to her as Sheffers, which is similar to her actual name (kind of like Megs for Megan, or something).  Or we could stick to the old pseudonym, which I kind of like, but I’m super-paranoid, if you haven’t gotten that yet.  Or she could go all feminist on us, and become Ms. Doggy.  What do you think?

*Adoption, Loss, and Infertility Blogosphere
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18 responses to “a new chapter

  1. Three is a charm. Your first two blogs seemed to be problem-centered, and this one is you-centered. That’s a pretty good trade-off, I’d say.

    Subscribing now!

  2. The good news is that you are reinventing yourself through your own eyes, not someone else’s.

  3. As long as you feel comfortable and safe! I think it’s great that this blog is the beginning of a new chapter for you. I like Sheffers for your dog’s name. She should have a change too!
    *HUGS*

  4. I would like to please call that sweet dog: Miss Famous!!! Yes, please please please call her that!

    bow wow to Ms. Famous…

    You know, even though I strung out with you nicely on the #2 blog, I think I visited you on the #! dig only at ICLW time or so….I like your new home…it is colourful!!!

    Be good!!!

    I am glad too that I found this community…beyond the support and comments…I have soft toys and chocolates and gifts to show off!!! (Ugh…that was my sly side up today!)

  5. I agree with the others – new chapter! 🙂

    Sorry I called the precious pup by her former name with my comment on your last post. I understand if you’d like to delete/edit. That term is surely searchable.

  6. New blog for the new you…I’d say that works. I’m not sure about the dog’s name but I’ll go with the consensus.

  7. I don’t blame you. Your safety is first and foremost and if there was a way to google you before that would prevent you from feeling as if it was a safe place. I hope this new spot both on the web and in real life are places of safety for you and you are able to find yourself fully and thrive where ever you are. Hugs to you.

  8. I will gladly follow along anytime you need to make a change. You have to do what is best for you and you know we will all be here for you 🙂

  9. I agree, I’m happy to follow you anywhere (thanks for letting us know), just so long as you feel safe.

  10. I hope the new blog is a safe and harmonious place to open this new chapter. Looking forward to hearing about all the good changes coming your way.

  11. I’m glad you are starting fresh with number 3! I’ll be tuning in to see how things are going with you and Sheffers or Ms. Famous — either work for me!

  12. I’m loving your new digs and I like Sheffers. 🙂

  13. I like Sheffers too. It seems to fit her. It is a great way to look at this new blog as going along with a new beginning. Good luck in finding a therapist – if you find someone that fits you, it can really help you heal.

  14. Hopefully this new blog is just the clean start you need. It’s never easy to begin again, no matter what the situation and after what you’ve been through, it’s even harder. Know that there are many people rooting for you.

    (((HUGS)))

  15. I am thankful that you let me know, but you would have just gone out into the great beyond. I am glad you are doing well…I like the new blog look! I think whatever name for you doggie is good- whatever so you don’t accidentally type the wrong name. I have done that wiht my husbands a few times…YIKES!!! 🙂

  16. Such a nice and soothing color scheme – I am feeling more relaxed already.
    I like “Miss Famous”!

  17. The 3rd time is the charm, right?

    I like Miss Famous. But Sheffers is good, too. Make her sound a bit like a bBritish butler.

    And finally, I am so impressed by how far you have come. You sound like you are doing great. I really hope you like the new job and the new city. You totally deserve some happiness.

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