finding my way

So moving is on the list of those big “stressful life events.”  Anyone who’s moved doesn’t wonder why.  If we’re talking about moving to an unfamiliar place, I can’t help but think that a big part of the stress has to do with suddenly being out of your comfort zone, suddenly not knowing where you are and where the hell the post office is.

So you go out, you drive around, you take wrong turns, you go down this way for a bit until you find a way to turn back around, and slowly, but surely, you start learning these new roads.  Slowly you start figuring out what it means to live here and not there.  Slowly the streets stop feeling like a big mish-mosh of asphalt, and start to make some sort of sense–maybe you even learn a shortcut or two, or at least stop going the long way to the grocery store every time.  A map develops in your mind, and you stop feeling like you’re out flapping in the breeze if you turn down a new stretch of highway.

And you start feeling like you live here.

If you took a look at that stressful life events list, you might notice that there are quite a few that I’ve been through this year.  And compared to some of the other changes I’ve made, moving to this city has been a piece of cake.  But the process feels somewhat similar, sometimes.  A lot of wandering around, feeling lost.  A lot of taking the long way to do things.  A lot of feeling like I’d rather just stay home because I don’t really know the way to  go anywhere else.  A lot of feeling like I’m out flapping in the breeze, defenseless.

But there’s a slowly, but surely, to this, too.  Slowly, but surely, it’s starting to make some kind of sense.  Slowly, I’m learning how to take care of myself.  Slowly, I stop taking the long way every single time.  Slowly, I’m learning to navigate the circuitous routes of my own emotional landscape.

And I’m starting to feel like I live here.

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4 responses to “finding my way

  1. Moving is stressful even if it’s a good move for you. I have seen the list before when I was in school for my prereqs for nursing. I remember at the time I had somewhat recently moved, broke up with and reunited with a boy friend several times, my mom quit speaking to me and several other really big things.
    I’m sure yours right now is pretty similar. I’m hoping for you that things do eventually feel not so unfamiliar and that you feel more at home in your new place of residence and your job. Also that some day down the road this will all just be a memory of an unpleasant time in your life.

  2. I’m so glad you are getting your “sea legs” and things are starting to feel familiar and safe. Thinking of you.

    Hugs,
    Jo

  3. You are making huge strides my friend. Each time a new stressor arises, you bounce back faster. I am so proud of you.

  4. I love the metaphor you used comparing moving to a new location (feeling lost and finding your way) to your “emotional landscape” (feeling lost and finding your way).

    It sounds like it’s new and adventurous and completely do-able. Yeah for you!!

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