She asked about those names that we have for those children never to be conceived, those children we will never have. She asks:
What have you done with your unused names? Do you ever encounter them during the day? Do they make you feel like you’ve gotten a warm buzz of recognition or a cold wind of emptiness? What about the ones that you came close to using but discarded for something else? What happens to you when you hear those names?
I had a name. It was ready. It was waiting.
Someone took it.
Not like you think.
Nobody’s child is now called by the name I had reserved.
It’s a little more complicated than that.
X’s “special friend,” who, at the time, was my friend, too, (it seemed) took the name when she converted to Judaism. It is now her Hebrew name, her Jewish name.
She can have it.