learning and letting go

This weekend I was able to spend some time with my parents and younger sister and her family.  I loved seeing my nieces and being called Aunt So-and-So again.  What I didn’t love was the punch in the gut feeling that a seemingly throw-away comment by my sister to her daughter left me with.

And the comment isn’t all that important, because where I ended up with all of it was way down the bunny trail…but I made a realization.  I think that a big part of my current struggle, if not the majority of it, is about my feeling judged by others, my knowing that I’m not living up to their standard.

And I don’t want it to bother me, I don’t want to be so concerned with “their” judgment and approval, but the majority of the first thirty-one or two years of my life were spent in pursuit of the approval of those around me, and that’s a hard habit to break.  And, yes, I’m dealing with the why’s behind this preoccupation of mine, which lately is a lot more subconscious, which is why it took me so long to figure out that it’s still there.

So I’m continuing on the journey to love myself to a better tomorrow, trying to accept myself as I am, and working on letting go of the urge to get the stamp of approval from those whose opinions don’t matter as much as I’ve believed for far too long.

Will this get easier at some point?

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6 responses to “learning and letting go

  1. I think it does get easier, but perhaps in that it isn’t such a raw open wound that hurts so much when it gets bumped. I think you are doing good, and you are working through it all at a good pace for you.

    I am sorry that you had a punch in the gut though- that sucks.
    {{HUGS}}

  2. It will get easier. I think you might be being a bit to tough on yourself. You are doing phenomenally well considering what you have been through. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

  3. I don’t know. I hear what your saying though on the feeling judged. There have been a lot of people I have more or less walked away from because of feeling judged. I don’t know if that’s the best response to it (likely not) but for me it was the easiest.
    Sending many good wishes on the path to loving yourself. Hugs to you.

  4. For me it got easier. After my divorce, many people (who were important to me) wondered what I had done to end up divorced with three small kids.

    I knew in my heart I had done the right thing…still do (more so than ever)!

    As each day went by, I got stronger and stronger in my convictions. It’s a process…

  5. (((Hugs))) I totally get it.

    Jo

  6. remember that it is impossible to please or gain the approval from so many different people because they ALL have different expectations of you. Your mom, your sister, coworkers, etc. there is no way to please them all. so any time that you try, you set yourself up for failure. Remember that..any time you try to please everyone around you, it is a fact, you will fail. So instead of trying the impossible, simply find the freedom in the knowledge that the only thing you can control is yourself. When I finally understood that..finally..it really broke the “chains” for me.

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