waiting for eviction

Today I saw Mr. X.

Not in person, actually.  Not even in “real life,” though it felt pretty darn real.

He left a comment on a blog I frequent–one that I introduced him to, btw.

And if I didn’t know it was him by his not-so-common first name and last initial, I knew it was him by the writing style and obligatory reference to his favorite musician.

Out of nowhere, “Hi!  I’m your ex!  Here to brighten your day!”

I found myself thinking that my life would be easier if he had just dropped off the face of the earth…instead of just moving across the country.  Then there would be no little internet reminders of him to rise up out of nowhere and change the course of my day.

But who am I kidding?

Even if he were gone gone, bits and pieces of him, of our life together, would rise up out of my mind, out of my photo box, out of the mouths of friends, of strangers, of people who never met him, out of anywhere and everywhere.

Who am I kidding, anyway?  What he was to me is burrowed down pretty deep in the recesses and I know it will take more than a few meager months to evict it completely.  The collection of memories gathered up over the years spreads far and wide.

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7 responses to “waiting for eviction

  1. Purging those memories takes time and will be painful…but when that can take place and healing and light can enter those spaces, it will be an amazing day in your life. My thoughts to you!

  2. Lots and lots of {{{hugs}}}

  3. Might I suggest a lovely little exorcism cause it just seems like he’s the devil who keeps popping up like a bad penny.

  4. I kind of like deathstar’s idea. I’m sorry that these little reminders continue to still pop up and leave you feeling as if he’s there leaning over your shoulder. I’m hoping for you that someday soon even if one of the “reminders” should show up that it will no longer be able to affect you. Hugs to you.

  5. Here is a simple clearing I’ve created for you, using tarot cards. Even if you are unfamiliar with tarot, it is a very positive way to surround yourself with loving, healing energy:

    Eight of Cups (above your card) — signaling that you are ready to move on).

    The Death card in the past position (to the left of your card) –showing that the part of you that was trapped is now gone. You have learned what needed to be learned and can begin again.

    Queen of Cups (your card) — showing the lovely, nurturing woman you are and have developed into through all of this

    The World card (to the right of your card) — Showing the beauty, opportunity and growth that lies ahead of you.

    The Strength card (beneath your card) — to give you support during this period of growth and is available to you at all times.

    May you feel the energy of these cards as you continue down your path. Peace…

  6. Good Luck. I’m sure you’ve probably heard this but things do get easier.

  7. Even though it’s going to take a while, it sure would be nice if he’d stay out of your “neighborhood” for a good long while!

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