Well, though I was in a blogging funk, and didn’t update for over a week, and the last few posts before that were about how I was in a general funk, life did continue to swirl around me, cooking up its usual mischief. So this is an outline of the things that I was wishing I had had the energy to blog about at the time:
◊ I had a big conflict at work last week with my boss. It’s a bit convoluted to go into here, but the important part is that I stood up for myself (despite being SUPER scared) and walked right into the conflict and came out alive. For someone who used to be called “The Queen of Conflict” (by one of my besties), I sure have backslid a lot in my approach to/fear of conflict. I had made so much progress in this area, oh yeah, before Mr. X was in my life. Like in so many other things, my self confidence for confrontation has taken quite a beating. But I’m coming back.
◊ A really good friend of mine, who I hadn’t seen for years (she moved out of the country) is back in the States for a visit this month. I got to see her last week briefly, and she’ll be coming back at the end of this week to spend two nights. It really did my soul a lot of good to be around someone who gets me. I think that her being here was the last little boost I needed to get out of the slump I was in.
◊ Saw the family for my dad’s birthday. My older sister, who is bipolar, but has been managing her illness extremely well the last three years or so, was there. Over dinner she talked about a reaction to a medication she was put on for a sinus infection. I told her about how a friend of mine is on that same medication long-term and she has some of the same side effects (primarily, not being able to sleep without a sleeping pill). I didn’t think too much about the conversation other than feeling bad for my sis. Later, she pulled me aside and thanked me for telling her about my friend. Apparently she was worried about herself, worried that she could be going into a manic phase (the “up” end of bipolar vs. the “down” end of depression—mania’s no picnic). It was so amazing, amazing for her to talk to me about this. (She used to NEVER discuss her illness with anyone in the family. Ever.) A few years ago I had given up hope that she would ever be “okay” for any significant length of time, and here she is talking about her illness, being aware of her symptoms, taking care of herself. I almost made this my perfect moment for the week, but the other post just kind of wrote itself first. I wrote about my sis a while back here.
◊ I’ve had really conflicting feelings lately about Mr. X and “Dolores,” who are living together now. When I imagine them together, part of me is so relieved to not be with him, to not be in the middle of all that crazy-making. Part of me, however, feels incredibly rejected, having been “replaced” so quickly and I can’t help but compare myself to her, and feel like a failure. Not logical, I know, but that’s the way feelings go sometimes, isn’t it?
◊ I am currently in the middle of my spring break. With my job, I get the same holidays that the teachers in the local school district get (except for summer break, boo), so I am off this week, and thoroughly enjoying it. The only downside is that I probably won’t adjust to Daylight Savings Time until next week, when I actually have to get up in the morning at a certain time, and not just when Miss Famous decides her bladder can’t wait any longer.