let’s talk about you and me…

It is so hard for me to believe that there is only one more week of my “When Your Relationship Ends” class.  I feel so different than I did when it started, back at the beginning of April.  Granted, a big part of that change is due to finally getting on the right medication, but regardless of the reason, I am looking at so many things in such a different way now.

Last night the topic was “sexuality.”  We divided up into groups by gender and came up with questions for the other group.  Then we got back together and traded questions back and forth.  There were some good questions, some good answers, and some interesting perspectives.  And I am definitely not ready for a new sexual partner, as if there were any doubt.  But I’m thinking about it.

The only strange part of the conversation was that, as I was reading the questions for the women, the men tended to look at me when they were answering.  Somewhat disconcerting, and part of the time I felt like saying, “It’s not my question!  I’m just reading it!”  LOL.

The main thing I was thinking about last night, particularly during the gender-segregated time for some reason, was how awful the sex was with Mr. X.  He was not interested in my pleasure at all.  The whole enterprise was about his getting off, and if I ever asked for something different, he would get so offended that it turned into a thing.  I would then feel obligated to soothe his ego (after all, I had committed the unthinkable act of letting him know he couldn’t read my mind!).  (And then there was the whole, “I’m not attracted to you,”-when-we-were-in-bed-naked-that-time.  Yeah.)  So basically, our sex life was a reflection of the rest of our relationship.  God, I’m so glad I’m out of that.

But (and likely because it was so bad), I’m not quite ready to start it up with someone new, yet, though I can at least imagine that day is coming now.  And it’s gotta be better than it was with the last guy. 😉

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5 responses to “let’s talk about you and me…

  1. It’s a huge thing to even think about after the relationship you came out of. I know I’m not a guy but I’m willing to listen if you ever need to talk…even about sex.

  2. Interesting conversation topic. Brings so many things to my mind I don’t even know where to begin.

  3. Yes, it certainly does! Here’s to meeting the right guy, who makes you feel good about yourself. I’m so glad you are in a better place these days.

    Hugs,
    Jo

  4. *blush*

    Mamma told me to never talk about sex.

    But hey, Mamma never told me not to write about sex. Yes?

    One thing I was able to catch wind of, was that you found some amount of attraction existing for you. That’s great.

    Do not jump into this till you are ready…Good sex flows from a positive relationship unless the interaction has run on a different drill.

    Hope you find fulfillment of all kinds. Take Care!

  5. I can relate to that feeling. My only sexual partner other than The Hubs was the serious boyfriend immediately before the one I ended up marrying. The sexual part of it was brief and certainly indicative that the relationship was going nowhere fast. He was only in it for himself and I was only useful so he didn’t have to settle for his hand (sorry for the crudeness). It was a clear reflection of our relationship. I was desperate to be loved (which I didn’t receive) and he had an immense fear of being alone.

    I’m so glad I moved on from that relationship and found a healthy, loving partnership with The Hubs. When you’re ready, I’m sure you’ll find that too.

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