It is so hard for me to believe that there is only one more week of my “When Your Relationship Ends” class. I feel so different than I did when it started, back at the beginning of April. Granted, a big part of that change is due to finally getting on the right medication, but regardless of the reason, I am looking at so many things in such a different way now.
Last night the topic was “sexuality.” We divided up into groups by gender and came up with questions for the other group. Then we got back together and traded questions back and forth. There were some good questions, some good answers, and some interesting perspectives. And I am definitely not ready for a new sexual partner, as if there were any doubt. But I’m thinking about it.
The only strange part of the conversation was that, as I was reading the questions for the women, the men tended to look at me when they were answering. Somewhat disconcerting, and part of the time I felt like saying, “It’s not my question! I’m just reading it!” LOL.
The main thing I was thinking about last night, particularly during the gender-segregated time for some reason, was how awful the sex was with Mr. X. He was not interested in my pleasure at all. The whole enterprise was about his getting off, and if I ever asked for something different, he would get so offended that it turned into a thing. I would then feel obligated to soothe his ego (after all, I had committed the unthinkable act of letting him know he couldn’t read my mind!). (And then there was the whole, “I’m not attracted to you,”-when-we-were-in-bed-naked-that-time. Yeah.) So basically, our sex life was a reflection of the rest of our relationship. God, I’m so glad I’m out of that.
But (and likely because it was so bad), I’m not quite ready to start it up with someone new, yet, though I can at least imagine that day is coming now. And it’s gotta be better than it was with the last guy. 😉