(ICLW intro is down below—welcome to my rambling place.)

Something interesting about last week (other than Mr. X getting married and my sister’s worsening mental health, that is)—pregnancies.  No, not me, as if you even had to ask.

  • Sunday I saw my younger sister (not the one with worsening mental health), and she announced to me and my parents that she is now 5 weeks pregnant with her fourth.  She told us that she was waiting to tell her daughters (ages 6, 4, and 1½), but apparently “waiting” meant “I’m telling them tonight,” because everyone knew by that evening.
  • Monday, I learned that my oldest friend (and one of my dearest) had a miscarriage.  She has two living children, no other miscarriages.  She was 12 weeks.
  • Tuesday, I learned on F-book that an acquaintance from grad school is pregnant with her third.  Her first was conceived via IVF, second was a shock to them and their doctors (and conceived while they were working toward an adoption), third was another shock to them, and conceived while they were parenting their two biological children and three foster-possibly -to-adopt kids.

I’ve been trying to write about this for a week, and have just come to the conclusion that I don’t have any great conclusions.

I just wonder…I wonder how my feelings about each of these situations would be different had I never experienced infertility.

Would I still feel like a failure when considering my sister’s fourth pregnancy in the face of my…nothing?  Would I be so judgmental about her telling her young children about her pregnancy so early?

Had I not spent so much time in the ALI blogosphere would I have said something really stupid to my friend when I found out about her miscarriage?

What meanings would I attach to my acquaintance’s pregnancy?  (Likely something along the lines of “see—just adopt and you’ll get pregnant!”)  I never went through IVF, we just got to the planning stages of that one, but I’m probably more familiar with it than the average person—what would I have thought about IVF had things gone differently for me?

I don’t have many any answers tonight…I’m just wondering.



P.S. If you can, stop by and give Jo some love.  For her, I’m just feeling incredibly sad.


8 responses to “wondering

  1. I’ve wondered that too. About myself, I mean. And I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve received the greatest blessing and wouldn’t have had him if I’d carried my daughter to term. I also know that even though you want and need a baby so bad, you didn’t need one with Mr. X. And I know you know that too.

  2. You aren’t the only one without answers. I seem to be stuck there lately. {{{Hugs}}}

  3. I too have often wondered that. I suspect that I wouldn’t have that flood of sadness when I hear the news, instead I would reminisce about how I felt when I experienced what they are – like announcing that we’re pregnant, or feeling horrible for my friend who lost a baby, when secretly now I’m almost ok with it since I can’t have a baby. That’s horrible to say, but your emotions can just be overwhelming at times, and I think they can sneak up on you without even realized how you are feeling. I hope that doesn’t sound too harsh, it’s just things I have experienced.

    ICLW #168

  4. Exactly! With such a history, announcements of pregnancies are so emotionally confusing. I can’t come to a conclusion either.


  5. Someone close to me recently had a miscarriage and is still healing from their loss. Having been around infertility — in real life and in the blogosphere, I am much more sensitive than I was before, but I also realize I have a long way to go.

    Each time I hear or read about someone’s battle with infertility, my heart opens to them…both in trying to fully comprehend and to send love and healing energy.

    Even though I too have no conclusions; it’s interesting to ponder.

  6. Having lost children (at any stage) makes one much more aware of the kinds of things to say when you find out someone else lost a baby. It stinks that anyone would have to think about that though.

  7. I’ve done a lot of that wondering from time to time too. I also though know the answer to at least one of those questions. Several years back my cousin had a miscarriage and I asked (stupidly) when they were going to try again. I didn’t even understand why she was upset until I had a miscarriage which really made me feel bad that I had been such a ditz about it to her.

  8. I”ve often wondered what I’d be like had I not struggled with IF, too. I suppose if anything, I am glad that IF has made me a more sensitive and considerate person. At least that is something positive.



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