on the eve of the new year

Today things are so much different than they were a year ago, and so many things are the same as they have ever been.

The last few days I have been having some, um, feelings.  Sisterly drama continues, but she has not been the source of said feelings.  Her, I can understand.  I am concerned, I am worried, but I have learned to temper my expectations.  Bipolar is something I can wrap my head around, even if I hate it.  I want things to be different for her, but I can accept that they are not.

For some reason, I have a much harder time finding that level of acceptance for my parents.  I keep expecting them to respond differently than they always have.

Over the last few days I’ve been unbelievably sleepy and haven’t been able to understand it.  I couldn’t seem to get enough sleep.  All I could think about was napping.

Last night I felt the anger flow through me.  I didn’t push it down.  I didn’t try to talk myself out of it.  I didn’t call it wrong and I didn’t turn it against myself.

And today I’m awake.

Today my mind is clear and I feel ready to take on the High Holidays (more on that later).

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One response to “on the eve of the new year

  1. Good for you! That is serious progress.

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