Today things are so much different than they were a year ago, and so many things are the same as they have ever been.
The last few days I have been having some, um, feelings. Sisterly drama continues, but she has not been the source of said feelings. Her, I can understand. I am concerned, I am worried, but I have learned to temper my expectations. Bipolar is something I can wrap my head around, even if I hate it. I want things to be different for her, but I can accept that they are not.
For some reason, I have a much harder time finding that level of acceptance for my parents. I keep expecting them to respond differently than they always have.
Over the last few days I’ve been unbelievably sleepy and haven’t been able to understand it. I couldn’t seem to get enough sleep. All I could think about was napping.
Last night I felt the anger flow through me. I didn’t push it down. I didn’t try to talk myself out of it. I didn’t call it wrong and I didn’t turn it against myself.
And today I’m awake.
Today my mind is clear and I feel ready to take on the High Holidays (more on that later).