I’ve been having a bit of a “family hangover” since I was around them all over the holiday.  The more I settle into myself and become stronger in who I am, the more it seems that I was born into the wrong brood.

I sure love my little people, though their parents (and grandparents) can drive me nuts.  Everyone gets along and is very nice to everyone else, meanwhile, I’m thinking “How the hell did I end up like this after growing up with all of them?”

I love them all (well, maybe not my brother-in-law) but after getting back to my house I noticed that I felt more alone after being with my family and having a few more of my illusions about them stripped away.  Today I am likening this feeling to the way I felt with Mr. X when it all fell apart—when I lost who I thought he was and came face to face with who he is.

A lot of it is religion and politics, but it’s more than that.  It’s a way of seeing the world.  It’s an approach to life in general.  It’s fear vs. curiosity, black and white vs. every color imaginable.  So much is labeled “forbidden” for them, so much is wrong.

In spite of all this, my Alexander teacher told me I’m looking better each time she sees me.  She said my back seems stronger, that I am taller.  In this spirit of not fearing, not forbidding, I am working on engaging with the world with my body, with my posture and movement.  More about that soon.


4 responses to “hungover

  1. Oh, I so wish you would come visit me. I’ve been attending a Nia class (nonimpact aerobic dance) and one of the healing arts it employs is the Alexander technique. Not that I know anything about it other than what I’m learning from you.

    Good for you for you insights about yourself and your brood.

  2. I know exactly what you mean! I came home from being with my family over Christmas one year with clinical depression. Nice, eh? Keep at it, they’ll get used to the real you and you’ll develop compassion for their less than desirable traits.

  3. I have absolutely loved watching you get stronger. You are an amazing woman.

  4. Okay, I can’t really reach for a comfortable response in this case but I hope that you can assimilate the good things and alienate yourself from the negative ones. We really can’t choose our bloodline….

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