Apparently I am only a part-time camper. Since I last posted, old friend came to visit for a couple of nights, then it was off to visit the fam for the fourth.
Yesterday, I just took the day off (from everything, it seems). I did leave the house, but that was just to take La Famosa on a walk.
I liked the question from way back on day two, so I’m going back to answer that one: What were you like in high school? What extracurricular activities, if any, did you take part in during high school? Did you consider yourself a writer?
In high school, I found my place, the place where I felt most at home, with my youth group at church. Things at home were often unpleasant, but I knew how to “do” church, and youth group. I found my closest friends there, and ended up with a really close group of three good friends and the four of us had a lot of fun together throughout all of my high school years.
Most of my extra-curricular life was through church, though I was in the marching band my freshman year and I did a few low-key clubs (honor society, etc.).
I journaled a lot in high school. When I read through those old journals I want to just hold that young girl close and tell her not to be so hard on herself and that everything will be ok. I don’t think I considered myself a writer. Writing was more an outlet for me, a pressure valve. (I might have considered myself a poet, which I suppose is also a writer.)
I see now that even back then I had doubts about what I believed, but the belief system of my church didn’t really allow much room for exploring doubts or questioning. The response was always, “Pray, and you’ll come to the right (i.e. our) answer.” I knew enough about fitting in to try to shove any doubts down as far as I could and hope they wouldn’t see the light of day. I think that part of the reason my doubts were so scary to me was that had I given them free rein, I would have no longer fit into the place where I felt most at home.
It’s kind of interesting, now, to be in touch (via that big social media behemoth) with a lot of people I knew back then. A number of people I know have become more religious (Christian, of course) and I often have this strange sense that I’ve traded places with some of them, as they post about what happened at church or some Bible verse that inspired them. Sometimes I think, “Been there, done that, got a drawer full of t-shirts.” Sometimes I’m jealous that they fit in to a place that I never will again. I’d never trade places back, however. Too many mental gymnastics that I can’t do anymore.