Category Archives: bluebonnets

perfect moment monday: this time of year

Just about one year ago today, I was reading the book that removed the last bit of blindfold from my eyes.  I started to understand why my marriage, my entire relationship with this man that I loved with all my heart was so. damn. hard.  Once I realized, once I knew that we didn’t just have “problems,” but rather that our whole relationship was built on the quicksand of emotional abuse, nothing was the same.  Knowing brought clarity, but I can’t tell you that I didn’t wish then that I could turn back the clock, un-read that book, un-ring that bell.

Well, unless it’s your first time here, you know that there was no way back for me, and that it became obvious that I had to leave, for my own sanity, my own safety.  And after I left, he confirmed, over and over, that I had made the right decision.

One year ago I didn’t know all of that.  One year ago I didn’t even know that I would leave.  I just finally had a name for the mind-game that was my marriage.

One year ago was the end of my delusion, but it was the beginning of the most difficult changes I’ve ever had to make.

I’m coming up on a lot of important dates. I’ve been watching their place on the calendar, the sharp point on the compass that pulls me back around into a full circle.  Soon will come the date that I decided to leave, then the date that I last saw him before his out of town trip that would give me the cover to pack and leave (coincidentally, this was also the date that he stole my debit card out of my purse), the weekend I had to sleep at the Dynamic Duo’s because I couldn’t bear to be in my house, even without him in it, and finally, the day that my mom arrived after a two day drive and the three of us (my mom, Miss Famous, and I) left in our rear-view mirrors the city that held the last place I would call home with X.

There was a vast amount of change in a very short period of time, and now, finally, the things outside of me have calmed down enough, for long enough, for me to really address the chaos within.

I just went through a valley in this journey to healing.  I don’t expect it will be the last one, but hopefully, with each one that comes, I will gain a bit more confidence that I will get through the pain, that feeling it will not kill me, and that there is light on the other side, that there is another side.

Almost a year ago (11 months and two weeks, more or less), when I drove across the border into my home state again, almost immediately, I started noticing the bluebonnets.  Kind of corny, I know, but I really felt like they were welcoming me back, this symbol of springtime that I grew up welcoming each year.

Last week, I noticed some familiar blue blooms on the route that Miss Famous and I walk every morning.  Welcome back, springtime.

You can celebrate some more perfect moments over at Lavender Luz’s.

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Show and Tell: drive-by photo-shoot

I thought I’d take a brief break from the heaviness today, and show off some purty pictures.

A few weeks ago I was with my family on a road trip and we kept seeing these amazing fields of bluebonnets everywhere.  On the way to our destination night was falling, so it wasn’t such a good time for picture taking, but on the trip back, it was mid-afternoon and gorgeous.  In fact, we saw a number of cars stopped at the side of the highway taking the obligatory photos of kids in the middle of flowers and people with professional looking cameras taking photos of amazing fields of these flowers.  We pulled over at a spot that looked good and stopped for about 10 minutes.  Below are three of the shots from that day.  A while back I showed and told some bluebonnet pictures, but these were definitely looking more robust:

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and:

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and finally (that’s my niece in the background):

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(Oh, and the last time I did show and tell, I kind of just did a drive by, post and run, with no comment leaving.  I had some heavy emotional stuff come up around the time of the show and tell posting.  So, sorry about that.)

You can join the rest of the class over at Mel’s.

Show and Tell: Bluebon.net Edition

Regular readers of this blog (you see how I made a little joke there?*) 🙂 may be surprised that I have chosen to go the “show and tell” route so early in the game.  The truth is, I’ve been trying to write those angsty, emotion-filled, explanatory posts and they’re just not coming.  Hence, show and tell.

If you know much about the flora of my geographical region, the content of this post will likely tell you where I am.  That is a-ok with me.  First of all, I really doubt that Mr. X–would have found this blog.  Second, it will only be a matter of time before X knows where I am anyway.  In fact he likely knows already.  So no biggie.  So on to the showing and telling.

This morning I broke the law.  Nothing that would get me thrown in the slammer or anything, just a little trespassing.  Here’s a picture of the fence that I went through to do said trespassing:

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I was hoping that the blu.ebonnets on the other side of the fence would be better than on my parents’ side.  This year they’ve been pretty puny in this area due to lack of rain.  (I’m writing the name of the flower that way so that people looking for pictures of them don’t stumble here by mistake.)  They were still puny on the other side of the fence, but at least there were more of them.  I was doing all of this traipsing around in search of a good shot for a new header photo for this blog.  Here’s one of the better shots I got this morning (most were definitely not worth sharing):

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As a bonus, here’s a photo I took on Friday that I kind of like:IMG_0661

You can see if anyone else has been breaking any laws and showing and telling about it here.

*ETA:  Um, that was a joke because this was the 2nd post or so of the blog.  I had shut down the original blog, so most of the previous posts that are here now, weren’t there, then.  It makes much less sense, now, and quite possibly wasn’t as humorous as I thought it was even back then.  What can I say?