So just a couple hours after I posted yesterday, I got the mail. Guess what was in it?
Tired of guessing yet?
More mail from Biff, the super-lawyer.
Good thing I didn’t offer to bet double-or-nothing his fees on X’s not turning the money in (recap: he emptied the savings, the court said turn in half of what you took), because apparently late last week the court received a check from Mr. X for the exact amount. I guess he didn’t want to have to avoid showing up in our former state of residence out of fear of avoiding jailtime, after all.
I underestimated him. As usual.
I am reeling. It’s like whiplash with this guy. Like my mom says, he didn’t turn it in out of the goodness of his heart, more out of self-preservation, but still. I am reeling.
I guess the mortgage company will be happy, at least.
And maybe, maybe my credit won’t take such a hit? I still don’t have access to the money (in case you were wondering), but I’m really glad that he doesn’t, either.
And I really need to avoid that city in Nevada like the plague.
So I saw this bit in my reader this morning…I went ahead and followed the link they are criticizing and went through the top ten list. It’s pretty terrible and most of them were very familiar to me (though X never bought me a yoga class membership). Many people in the comments (on the Shapely Prose site, NOT the AskMen site) note how these “suggestions” are the how to’s of emotional abuse. So not so funny to me. One commenter stated that the list could be renamed, “Top 10 Subtle ways to Emotionally Abuse Her.”
The whole experience was pretty triggering for me, and I am constantly astounded that shit like this is even out there. But, of course, it is. The sad thing is, most of the guys doing this shit don’t really need these tips, now, do they? I know it just seemed to be second-nature to Mr. X. He sure as shit didn’t need to read any “how to” list in on the internet.
So glad I’m on the other side of it.
Today I got a silly song in my head and my thoughts wandered down a bunny trail, as my thoughts are likely to do, and I ended up in a place I did not expect ever to be again, which was a place of fond feelings for Mr. X. Fond feelings and affection, which soon lead, of course, to feelings of hurt, shock, and dismay, that this person for whom I felt such love could have treated me so horribly (and for the duration of our relationship, for the record).
And this is what it comes down to really: I really want to hate him. I want to wish him harm. That would be so much easier. And today surprised me so much, because I haven’t been longing for him, I haven’t been thinking of times with him with anything at all like nostalgia–more like disbelief. My good friend, H, put it this way: I have been reacting much like one whose loved one has died after a long illness; it is as if my marriage died after a long, brutal illness and I have been feeling mostly relief and not mourning over it’s loss.
Until today. Which is why it surprised me so. And I don’t want to feel anything positive for this person who still would hurt me any way he could (just ask my divorce attorney). Today I was right back in the middle of the questions of how this person who said he loved me could treat me like his…I can’t even think of a good analogy.
Fuck the questions. I’d rather hate him.
I just got an email from Mr. X’s step-dad, telling me to send him my engagement ring (which had belonged to his mother) along with a necklace that X’s mom had given me.